Among the benefits of learning about Enneagram typology, is the insight it can bring to relationships. Understanding a person through the lens of the Enneagram can help circumvent conflict and allow for better communication. When it comes to romantic relationships, it can provide helpful perspective on how to relate to other people and potentially capture their heart. Here is a look at the way in which each Enneagram type tends to shows their love in relationships.
Enneagram Type 1 in Love (The Reformer)
Meticulous, well-organized, and perfectionists, Ones strive to improve everything in their lives but are sometimes hindered by their fear of making a mistake. They hold themselves to impossibly high standards and tend to do the same with other people, as well. In particular, their strong sense of right and wrong leads them to assume that those around them can also easily discern between the two.
Ones are also known for being incredibly conscientious, so much so that it isn’t surprising for them to have their entire lives planned out, right down to the minutest of details. They may have endless to-do lists or keep very comprehensive planners where they track every single second of their day.
Their approach to relationships is very different, though. In contrast to their usual personality, Ones desire spontaneity, preferring this to carefully planned dates where every hour is accounted for. This also makes them loyal and committed partners, who prioritize their significant other’s needs over their own.
Because they have high expectations for themselves, Ones may struggle to express their feelings and emotions. It may not be easy for them to verbalize their appreciation; however, they do show their love and care through the ways that they know best, such as booking appointments for their partner or picking up their favorite take-out whenever they’ve had a bad day.
Enneagram Type 2 in Love (The Helper)
Also referred to as “The Caregiver,” Twos are empathetic and warm-hearted, exhibiting a genuine sincerity in everything that they say or do. They find it easy to make friends, thanks to their innate compassion and generosity.
At their best, Twos are attentive and caring partners who never find it hard to communicate just how much they appreciate their partner. They’re also very considerate and are willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that their significant other is happy and fulfilled with their relationship.
This may seem like an ideal dynamic but Twos are so comfortable putting their partner’s needs before their own that they don’t mind blending into the background, playing a supporting role to their significant other’s goals and career progression. This may lead them to realize later on that the relationship had turned them into a doormat whose needs and wants were never valued or prioritized.
However, Twos who have learned to set boundaries for themselves are able to overcome this struggle. Not only do they know how to directly express what they need and want from the relationship but they’re also able to accept constructive criticism from their partner without taking it personally.
Enneagram Type 3 In Love (The Achiever)
Goal-oriented, ambitious, and confident in their abilities, Threes are known for their drive to succeed. It’s easy for them to act diplomatically, even in situations where they’re uncomfortable or feel out of their element. This makes them great business leaders, although they tend to struggle with workaholism and being too competitive with their colleagues.
Threes are motivated by the desire to be affirmed and distinguish themselves from others, which is why they’re always seeking ways to develop themselves. However, this also causes them to go to great lengths just to impress people, particularly those they admire or want to pursue a romantic relationship with.
Their competitive nature and constant attempts at self-development may make Threes appear to be exhausting partners. It’s true that they can be incredibly intense but this is also the reason why being in a relationship with them is a unique and fulfilling experience. Not only are they willing to compromise on certain aspects but they’re also always on the lookout for ways to improve both themselves and each other.
When it comes to relationships, though, Threes value a partner who appreciates them, no matter their achievements or failures. They also desire someone ambitious yet authentic, with high emotional intelligence and the willingness to call them out whenever they become too focused on their personal goals.
Enneagram Type 4 in Love (The Individualist)
Known for being sensitive, self-aware, and reserved, Fours find it easy to be vulnerable and honest about their emotions. They’re incredibly creative too, able to use art or other types of mediums as a vehicle to express their thoughts. They strive to carve out an identity for themselves and will stop at nothing to do so.
However, their extreme sensitivity also means that Fours can often be moody and self-conscious, with a tendency to distance themselves from other people whenever they feel that they’ve revealed too many personal things. They’re prone to self-pity, as well, which stems from their fear of being judged.
Fours are very in tune with their emotions, which means that when they fall for someone, their feelings are very intense and passionate. They’re considered the “romantics” of the Enneagram due to how they openly express their love and appreciation for their partner.
There’s a caveat, though. Fours often perceive themselves as different from others and this deep disconnect can sometimes cause them to suffer from low self-esteem, which, in turn, affects their dynamic with their partner. They also tend to believe that relationships are all about big romantic gestures and the “spark,” which causes them to feel nervous or act out during its “quieter” moments.
Enneagram Type 5 in Love (The Investigator)
Fiercely independent and curious about everything, Fives are innovative and inventive, often approaching problems with unorthodox solutions that magically work every time. Many regard them as visionaries, thanks to their ability to see the world from perspectives that have never been seen before.
Their desire to be perceived as pioneers makes Fives fearful of being considered helpless or incapable, especially by people whose opinion they care about. They also crave social validation, although they feel annoyed whenever others readily agree with their ideas since this makes them think that they aren’t being unconventional or “different” enough.
Due to their problem-solving nature, Fives tend to approach love and relationships in a more logical or practical manner. They don’t care for big, romantic gestures; rather, they value being seen as someone capable enough to support their partner through thick and thin. Not only are they extremely loyal, but they’re also willing to go to great lengths to make their significant other happy.
However, this inability to easily express themselves can sometimes lead to their partner feeling underappreciated or even ignored. Fives also need more time to process their thoughts and feelings, which is why a relationship with them won’t work unless it has very open communication channels.
Enneagram Type 6 in Love (The Loyalist)
Thanks to their strong sense of responsibility and hardworking nature, Sixes are often regarded as “troubleshooters” capable of identifying the best possible solution to a problem. This leads them to believe that their duty is to get things done, which renders them unwilling to take unnecessary risks in case it ends up exacerbating the issue and making it worse.
Sixes are known for their loyalty and commitment, both of which make it hard for them to abandon people even if they’re the ones already being hurt. Their desire for security and stability also makes them extremely cautious, particularly when facing situations that are new or unfamiliar to them. They sometimes doubt themselves too much and are prone to treating newcomers with suspicion.
When it comes to relationships, Sixes value a partner who makes them feel appreciated and supported, no matter what. Due to their extreme loyalty, they aren’t afraid to stand up for their significant other, defending them from people who do nothing but criticize and belittle.
Unfortunately, this means that Sixes find it difficult to leave a relationship even when things are no longer salvageable. Their need to solve every problem immediately can also be frustrating for their partner, especially those who want to be seen as an equal rather than as a damsel-in-distress. They also sometimes allow their trust issues to overwhelm them, which leaves a huge and long-lasting negative impact on their dynamics as a couple.
Enneagram Type 7 in Love (The Enthusiast)
Known for their playful and extroverted nature, Sevens are extremely high-spirited and optimistic, capable of seeing the bright side to every situation. Their spontaneity is infectious and their enthusiasm, even more so, although it can sometimes feel that they’re being too undisciplined in their approach to life.
Also referred to as “The Entertainer,” Sevens prioritize their freedom and happiness above all else, which can lead them to disregard the needs of others. However, their worldview is incredibly unique, with their strong optimism and sense of adventure sometimes being likened to “a kid in a candy store.” Bold and cheerful, their minds fly from one idea to the next, which makes them great at brainstorming but not so much at exploring a single topic in depth.
Sevens approach love and relationships the same way they approach everything else in life – with infinite enthusiasm. Passionate and simultaneously curious, they seek to know their partner to the fullest extent, in the hopes of connecting with them on a deeper level. They’ll often engage their significant other in interesting conversations on a variety of topics, although they may find it difficult to stick to just one subject.
For Sevens, their ideal partner is reliable and stable – someone who can perfectly balance out the intensity of their spontaneous nature. While they do prioritize their needs, that doesn’t mean that their significant other’s takes a backseat to theirs. Rather, they show their love and appreciation through practical ways, such as whipping up a surprise five-course dinner for them or buying several different flavors of ice cream so as not to miss out on their favorite.
Enneagram Type 8 in Love (The Challenger)
As their name suggests, Eights are self-confident, assertive, and capable of making informed decisions quickly. They perceive themselves as a protector, which makes them feel as if they need to control every aspect of their environment. Unfortunately, this can result in them being ego-centric, domineering, and confrontational, although all these are rooted in good intentions.
Thanks to their natural charisma, Eights are natural-born leaders and can easily persuade others to support them in all sorts of endeavors. They also harbor a deep desire to do things that will bring about positive changes to their environment, believing that this will make their loved ones happier. Their steely determination is unparalleled; however, it can sometimes cause them to completely disregard what others are saying or feeling.
Eights apply this same determination to their relationships. Loyal and committed to the very end, they strive to do whatever they can to make the relationship work. They also strive to provide for their partner, ensuring that their financial needs are met and helping them achieve their goals. Independence is valuable to them too, which is why they aren’t prone to smothering their significant other.
Unfortunately for Eights, they may struggle at times to give up control in a relationship, which can make them appear bossy and controlling. While this comes from a good place, their partner may end up feeling frustrated at being treated like a pushover. They can be headstrong and stubborn at times, although they aren’t afraid to make compromises in order to preserve the relationship.
Enneagram Type 9 in Love (The Peacemaker)
Creative, trusting, and willing to welcome everything that comes their way, Nines despise conflict and will do whatever they can to make sure that things are running smoothly. They’re motivated by the desire to create harmony in their environment and will do their best to bring people together, regardless of their differences.
Nines may be incredibly strong and loving; however, they have a tendency to simplify problems in a bid to please everyone. They’re also willing to go to great lengths just to avoid tension and conflict, even if the situation calls for it. Being confronted with unfamiliar environments is something that they fear deeply, which is why they’re prone to resisting change even when they know that it’s necessary.
Because of their introverted nature, Nines struggle a lot with romantic relationships. It can be hard for them to find a partner who perfectly complements their personality; however, many are attracted to how calm and caring they are.
But this also renders them willing to go with whatever their partner wants. Nines can sometimes ignore their own interests so that they can meet their significant other’s needs. They tend to put too much effort into preserving the relationship without considering whether it still brings them joy and fulfillment. With all these in mind, finding someone who encourages them to speak up and assert themselves should be how they approach love.
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