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6 Reasons Why INFP and INFJ Fall In Love

infp and infj relationship artwork by Jetta

On the question of compatibility between Myers Briggs types, it is generally accepted that in matters of romance and friendship, idealists pair best with other idealists. This notion is supported by a study published in the book “Just Your Type” by Tieger and Barron-Tieger (2000). Idealists in the sample reported a higher satisfaction rating with other idealists than with any other temperament group.

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

— William Shakespeare (INFP)

Based on this finding, you can gather that INFP and INFJ have a lot of potential at forming a successful romance or striking up a lasting friendship. The INFP and INFJ relationship also has the support of another study, this time surveying the preferred love languages of each MBTI personality. The survey results showed that on average, both INFJ and INFP samples reported the same love language preferences.

infj infp love language survey
infj infp survey thought catalog

This suggests that these two types share mutual expectations in their relationships. In addition to that, they apparently also share similar enneagram types according to another thought catalog survey. The most and least common INFJ INFP enneagram types found were as follows:

Most common INFP enneagram: Type 4 | 4w3 | 4w5 | Type 6 | 6w5 | Type 9 | 9w1
Least common INFP enneagram: Type 1 | 1w2 | 1w9 | Type 5 | 5w4 | 6w7

Most common INFJ enneagram: Type 1 | 1w2 | 1w9 | Type 4 | 4w3 | 4w5 | Type 9 | 9w1
Least common INFJ enneagram: Type 2 | 2w1 | 2w3 | Type 5 | 5w4 | Type 6 | 6w5 | 6w7


Although the 4-letter namesakes that represent these two types differ only in one letter, the actual INFP INFJ functions are totally different.

INFP vs INFJ cognitive functions

INFJ Functions

  1. Introverted Intuition (Ni)
  2. Extraverted Feeling (Fe)
  3. Introverted Thinking (Ti)
  4. Extraverted Sensing (Se)
INFP Functions

  1. Introverted Feeling (Fi)
  2. Extraverted Intuition (Ne)
  3. Introverted Sensing (Si)
  4. Extraverted Thinking (Te)

So why do INFP and INFJ get along exactly? The INFP INFJ attraction may be explained through a number of aspects that occur when these two personality types mix and interact. Compatibility theory is very generalized and there is not a great deal of hard science behind it and so there is no guarantee that individuals of any two types will or won’t get along well.

It is safe to say that quantifying compatibility between personalities is very complex and largely depends on the stage of ego development and function maturity as well as the personal experiences and background of the individuals involved. Nevertheless, here is a closer look at the INFP INFJ dynamic and 6 reasons why from a type theory standpoint they can mesh well as both friends and lovers.

1. INFJ and INFP Take Refuge In One Another

Being introverted, both INFJ and INFP will require adequate “downtime” away from the demands of their public or social lives. Introverts recharge their batteries by being off on their own, but the exception to this is that with the right person, they are actually happy to extend their private sphere to include another human. INFJ and INFP are likely to find each other unobtrusive to each other’s private space.

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This is in part because when around each other, they generally don’t feel any pressure to talk or be anything special. The environment they create is like a safe haven where they know their introverted habits and awkwardness will not be condemned or persecuted. In fact they may often bond with one another by taking interest in each other’s interests such as the shows they watch or the books they read. They can silently occupy the same room while doing their separate activities and just be happy being in each other’s presence.

2. They Inspire Each Other

Either the INFJ or INFP can provide a source of inspiration through their unique perspective and outlook. INFPs are highly creative and their minds are always making abstract connections to synthesize new ideas that could lead to their next creative project be it through writing, illustration, music or whatever medium they enjoy. INFJs may delight in the INFP’s creative passion and take pleasure in the work they produce.

INFJs are creative as well, but from a cognitive function standpoint, they are more focused on reading into things and interpreting symbolic meaning on both global and personal scales. INFJs have a desire to help other people live up to their potential and attain their goals. They have the capacity to lift up the people around them and boost their morale reminding them of what to focus on when setbacks derail their progress. When INFJs enter martyr mode, the strength of their convictions can compel them to heroic heights no one ever imagined and by the same measure may encourage others to do the same.

3. INFP and INFJ Are Both Hopeless Romantics.

The best INFP INFJ soulmate may just be each other. Whether it’s an INFP girl and INFJ guy or INFP male and INFJ female, both types tend to cultivate a wistful, picture perfect ideal in their minds regarding what they want their “forever person” to be like. Unfortunately, most people fall desperately short of this standard and both INFJ and INFP may have to learn to modify or lower their quixotic expectations so as to avoid undue disappointments from the real world.

When they come together, the INFP and INFJ in love can possibly enact and realize some of their unrealistic fantasies with each other. They will probably enjoy indulging in silly romantic games and role playing scenarios. The male in the relationship may attempt to compete with the fictional dark lovers in corny romance novels and melt the heart of their partner with chivalrous displays of machismo and erotic swagger. It is likely that INFJ INFP lovers will want to try to be each other’s fantasy and make efforts to be exciting and enticing to one another.

See also  6 High Paying Careers For ESTJs

4. They Are Both Kind and Harmonious.

The INFP INFJ empathy ensures that both types will be mostly considerate and understanding of one another in their relationship. This is not to say that there won’t be any sort of INFP and INFJ conflict however, because the way in which they each empathize lies in the distinction between INFP vs INFJ feeling. INFPs rely on their own personal feelings (Fi) as a basis for understanding other people whereas INFJs rely more on the feelings of the group as an external reference (Fe).

It is said that INFPs mirror the emotions of others while INFJs absorb them. This might seem contradictory to what I mentioned in prior, but a distinction should be drawn between ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’ in that the former is a term used in the MBTI as a form of values-based rationale and the latter being a transient state of neuro-arousal. That being said, INFP and INFJ both promote harmony in their relationships and share a dislike of confrontation and conflict. When an INFP INFJ fight does occur, both parties will likely be ridden with remorse afterwards and tripping over each other trying to apologize and make up for how they acted.

5. INFJ Can Be INFP’s Psycho-therapist.

INFJ’s compassion and natural insight into human behavior can often put them in a position where they feel people just dump their problems and baggage at their feet for them to examine. While INFJ people tend to enjoy the exercise of psycho-analyzing people and sharing their observations, sometimes they could use a shrink themselves. Nevertheless, INFPs may appreciate INFJ’s ability to listen and provide thoughtful feedback on what the INFP is feeling and concerned about. Moreover, INFJs tend to provide positive and encouraging feedback that won’t dash the INFP’s optimism to pieces with a deflating dose of reality the way an ESTJ or INTJ might.

6. INFPs Appreciate INFJ Uniqueness.

An INFP INFJ friendship or romantic relationship will likely be characterized by a mutual interest in each other’s unusual qualities. INFPs have a taste for novelty and so the fact that INFJ is arguably the rarest type of all may be a drawing card for them as an INFP soulmate. INFPs for their part, pride themselves on their sense of individuality and have little desire or interest in being average or conformant with many of the creativity-killing dictates imposed by society.

Although INFJs do not go out of their way to appear different or defy societal norms, the rarity of their personality type may nevertheless catch the attention of an observant INFP. INFJs want to be understood and INFPs want to be validated, and these reciprocal wants can be fulfilled by both types. INFPs don’t mind the challenge of figuring out the INFJ because it only makes them appear more mysterious, complex and interesting. INFPs can emerge from their self-centered cocoon to playfully examine and piece together all the wonderful aspects of their INFJ partner until they have eventually formed a detailed (if not idealized) portrait of them. And then they might even worship it.

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INFP vs INFJ Relationship Preferences



Most Important Aspects

  • mutual support
  • mutual commitment
  • being listened to
  • fidelity
  • intimacy
  • companionship
  • shared values

Least Important Aspects

  • shared religious beliefs
  • shared interests
  • sexual compatibility
  • spiritual connection
  • similar parenting styles



Most Important Aspects

  • mutual commitment
  • fidelity
  • mutual support
  • intimacy
  • being listened to
  • accepting each other’s differences
  • shared values

Least Important Aspects

  • shared religious beliefs
  • financial security
  • shared interests
  • similar parenting styles
  • sexual compatibility


source: Just Your Type. Tieger & Tieger. 2000.

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Jetta Moon
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12 thoughts on “6 Reasons Why INFP and INFJ Fall In Love

  1. In any relationship there’s always a dominant and subordinate or more to the point a person that initiates most things in the relationship as compared to one that fallows.This person either male or female could be considered “male” by default considering that males are classically considered the “leader” in the relationship. There are male/female, female/male, male/male, female/female in order of “dominance”. There are relationships that the female is dominant towards the male do to the fact that the female has a stronger male energy regardless of them being heterosexual (a.k.a into guys).Sexual orientation has no bearing on male/female energy distribution. So the words he, his, or him are being used in a classical sence not a derogatory way.

  2. As a very introverted INFJ, I feel 90% certain my soulmate would be an INFP or INFJ female. The empathy, harmony, depth, feels, affection, fidelity, and shared values without the constant need to go out and be social, would be unparalleled among the other types.

  3. INFJ female here. My SOULMATE is definitely my INFP boyfriend. He is the best. I love him more than I could’ve ever imagined!

  4. I’m INFJ and my boyfriend is INFP. And even if we have a lot of differences, we share the same values 🙂

  5. Seriously crushing on a former INFP colleague. The funny thing is, I just realize it when I’m no longer in the same company. LOL i guess it’s an INFJ thing to overthink and procrastinate.

  6. infp here.. madly in love with an infj man… but he gets close and then shuts me out. on repeat.. i just want him to know, he can trust me…. help?!!!

  7. My daughters mother and I have a connection like no other. Learned this myself, I am INFJ Male and she’s INFP female.
    High school lovers, only we get each other. Bests friends, and yeah we can definitely be silent in the same room and be entwined at the same time. Silent love. We are very warm to each other, at first sight it’s what you would call easy on the eyes. When you look into your partners eyes and are lost knowing that is your soulmate. Both can dive deeply into how each minds work. Both our minds process different, but attached through love,harmony,sensual,caring and nurturing behavior.
    INFJ has to deal with INFP imo because we INFJs have many path we could take. WE are individuals at heart. But there’s always that 1

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