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10 responses

  1. INFJ anonymous
    March 15, 2018

    Very true. My entp friend and I both agree with this article.

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  2. Ivona
    October 24, 2019

    As an INFJ in love with a truly perfect ENTP I have to admit it did kinda make me feel shitty how many of their strengths were recognized in this article in comparison to us. Makes it seem like we don’t have any, apart from being “dreamweavers” and overall just nice I guess.

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  3. Ivona
    October 24, 2019

    For example, why wasn’t there a section about what the ENTP admires about INFJ? What they appreciate about INFJ? In addition to other things, this entire article makes me feel like they might not be a good match afterall, contradictory to its I assume intended purpose.

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  4. Will
    November 21, 2019

    As an ENTP married to an INFJ, I think it’s very difficult to articulate all the special things they do. I believe INFJs do not get enough recognition of their good qualities because:

    1. They spend so much time making others feel seen, heard and accepted.

    People don’t realise how much better they feel after being truly listened to and understood. After interacting with an INFJ it’s easy to labour under the misconception that all of those powerful insights and feelings an INFJ helped you uncover, contextualise and articulate were already like that. Consequently people end up using INFJs and not having the humility to acknowledge the extraordinary impact they can have on self-concept.

    2. Being with an INFJ requires huge amounts of honesty.

    If you are lucky enough to be with an INFJ it will be the most rewarding and life changing thing you’ll experience. However, it requires enormous adaptability. INFJs principles of authenticity, integrity and justice frame the world with a sense of infinite possibility that things can be better. However, INFJs force you to start with yourself. Prejudices, misconceptions, denial, pain and trauma from the past, unhelpful coping skills, toxic friendships, prepare to have all of these things revealed to you. Once you have been taken out of ignorance you have no option but to confront and change your choice patterns. This is demanding and at times relentless. However, the INFJ pushes no one harder than themselves. This is something I admire and find completely invigorating. It’s not for everyone though.

    3. INFJs work on the borders of the self.

    They see the seams, the lies, the masks we all wear to cope with life. This is intimidating. People are unnerved by INFJs insights and also their enormous compassion and kindness. We live in an unkind and often cruel world. It’s hard to accept the gifts INFJs can give. At times it’s easier to reject them rather than recognise how much pain your living with. I think this might be why the INFJ feels alienated sometimes.

    Hope that gives you an idea that INFJs are appreciated!

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  5. Anna
    December 7, 2019

    Thank you Will!

    Reply

  6. JJ
    January 3, 2020

    Thank you for posting that, Will. That was pretty thorough and insightful.

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  7. V
    February 29, 2020

    This is amazing, thanks
    -infj

    Reply

  8. Aliss
    June 24, 2020

    Thank you Ivona, for asking the question. I’m the ENTP in my pair. I thought the article was pretty accurate, flattering and all but I noticed the unevenness as well.

    Thanks also to Will, for the great response. Its so hard to describe Ni but did a great job. INFJ can be like keys for me that open areas I didn’t know I had (and I am well examined by now!) and vice versa.. It can be a bit disconcerting even.

    Everything that we are is affected by others, really. Our nature is one of social primates. We can be introverts and hide in a cave for our lifetime and that still won’t change. Our brains have social mirroring mechanisms, down to mirror neurons, that help us represent each other. This is how we are built by evolution.

    A good relationship is like a clean mirror. It doesn’t distort. It doesn’t consume. So many of view others to make up for a feeling of incompleteness. So many of us are broken. We distort ourselves or what we reflect to others, or they distort back… hurting people and relationships.

    In a healthy relationship between these two types, it can be very hard to explain the special role of the INFJ. The feeling I have when I look into the eyes of the INFJ I love Is the purest mirror. I can see if I have hurt him, I can’t do that to him or to us. I can see if I’m being weak or disappointing. It’s a pure reflection of myself and how it affects him. After years of noisy signals you get from peoples eyes, it’s hard to explain the quality of that and how that makes you into the best version of you. Or at least to want to try.

    And you know, I’d like to think that we are clear and honest mirrors back to the INFJ in our own way, in addition to all the clowning around.

    The mirror is not a passive participant – it took millions of years of evolution, the kind I am talking about – its qualities are critical – but also, might at some level be impossible to be described, only felt, known…

    – A rational in love 😉

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  9. Spencer
    July 5, 2020

    Thanks alissa.
    It’s good see that things are working out between you guys .
    I usually think that this pairing favours the reverse gender considering societal expectations and also the fact that ENTP women usually prefer INTJ over INFJ guys.
    Am happy to hear that you guys are doing well..
    If you don’t mind i would like to know how long you guys have been together

    Reply

  10. Richard Kenneth Burch II
    February 14, 2021

    Wow. That was beautifully done. Thank you so much. It truly is rare to see someone so accurately describe this. In addition to being appreciative, you also demonstrate a high capacity for reflective introspection. That is something that must be cultivated very deeply. It is quite difficult. I experienced enantiodromia following Psychic Death in 2018, causing seemingly cataclysmic short-term consequences. However, it’s difficult to deny the utility of such experiences. It’s been a rough ride at times.

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