Getting into a relationship with an INFJ can be challenging. INFJ people are very shrewd and they put careful thought and consideration into personal decisions including who they associate with and open themselves up to. This extends into matters of dating and the process of partner selection where they put their sensitive hearts and emotional well-being on the line.
They do not take romantic relationships lightly and can be very prude and mistrusting of others. They want security and are generally disinterested in casual flings that have no promise for any deep emotional connection. What they want is their special, ideal “forever person” and will patiently hold out until they identify a qualified candidate.
In the MBTI, there is a notion that the ENTP is the best partner in love and friendship for the INFJ. While it is perfectly possible that any pair of Myers Briggs types can build a happy, satisfying relationship, there is reason to believe that certain type matches may fair better than others. Every partnership has it’s strengths and weaknesses and using type theory can shed light on what they are and how to navigate the choppy waters so that the relationship doesn’t end up on the rocks when things get stormy.
Dr. David Keirsey, an American psychologist and author of “Please Understand Me” believed that Rationals (ENTP, INTP, INTJ, ENTJ) paired best with Idealists types (INFP, INFJ, ENFJ, ENFP). Furthermore, he posited that the best match for each MB type was identified by reversing each letter except for the second one. Hence, the best partner for say, an ENTP, would be the INFJ. Their shared preference for intuition, according to Keirsey, indicates a natural and deep understanding of one another that is integral for communication.
Here is a take on how each Myers Briggs type meshes with the INFJ personality based on MBTI type theory.
An INFJ and INTP relationship has the potential to be very harmonious if not ideal. The INFJ is likely to be the first to initiate contact or express interest. Although they are both introverted, INTPs are less inclined to admit their feelings for someone because of how awkward they are and their fear of rejection. INTPs experience greater difficulty in connecting with others on an emotional level but the INFJ is able to make the INTP feel more comfortable in doing so. While their areas of focus may differ, the INTP and INFJ will feel a sense of understanding and even admiration in one another.
The INFJ and INTP relationship will be underscored by sensitivity and receptivity to one another’s needs and ideas. They are both independent and private and they will understand each other’s need for space to reflect and recharge. They both possess strong personal principles. but while the INFJ can sometimes be strident and outspoken in their beliefs, they ultimately strive for harmony and are able to compromise where needed. INFJ appreciates the thoughtful insight and suggestions that INTP brings to the table and these insights can often shed light on some of the errors in the INFJ partner’s reasoning or conceptions.
Relationship Problems – Even though both parties are relatively easy going and tolerant, they may become confrontational and inflexible over anything that violates their most important and non-negotiable principles or values. The INTP may be compelled to challenge all ideas or beliefs even the most sacrosanct ones held by the INFJ. This may sometimes offend INFJs although this is typically not the INTPs intention. Also, INFJs may find themselves bearing the lionshare of responsibilities due to INTP’s lack of attention to chores, scheduled commitments and daily tasks.
The INFJ and INTJ relationship is liable to be a solid partnership built on similar perspectives and attitudes. INFJs share INTJs interest in connecting the dots and reading into the underlying significance of things. But where the INFJ focuses on the personal (Fe), the INTJ attends to the impersonal (Te). This dynamic is likely to be beneficial in that the two halves are able to compensate for the other’s weaknesses. INFJ can provide some of the warmth and affection that INTJs appreciate but have trouble expressing.
INFJ and INTJ essentially understand one another and they speak a similar language. They have a vision of the future and they spend quality time together ruminating on the meaning of things and what they may represent for the big picture. INFJs are often very concerned with society at large and various social issues and they may become anxious over what they hear in the news. They pick up on the trends and patterns and become either depressed or encouraged by what it indicates to them. INTJs share a similar concern and they both have ideas about the way things ought to be in the world but unfortunately are not. This however, is what motivates them to go out and make an impact and they both work hard towards this end and they likely will be very sympathetic and supportive of one another’s crusades. These two will love cloistering themselves off from the rest of the world much of the time where they can just be introverts together.
Relationship Problems – The INFJ being sensitive to criticism and judgment may find the INTJ’s blunt opinions off-putting at times. INTJ persons do not necessarily regard much of what they say or think as being offensive but as simply being true insofar as they can discern it to be. INFJs may not always appreciate this brutal candor and the INTJ may need to soften the hard edges in how they communicate with the INFJ sometimes. Sometimes, the relationship can run cold and the INFJ may view the INTJ as too ‘unfeeling’ and emotionally distant.
According to David Keirsey, INFJs and ENTPs are supposed to be a match made in heaven so to speak. They are like yin and yang, their polar energies are somehow linked in a complementary way thanks to their shared preference for intuition (although they are of different attitudes). INFJs will likely find the ENTP to be an amusing and fun conversationalist. ENTPs can brighten the INFJ’s mood and help them to see the silver lining in any disappointment they face. INFJs can sometimes get caught up in a very narrow gloom and doom mindset and ENTPs are good at shifting perspectives and illuminating different vantage points for the INFJ to consider.
ENTPs tend to have an aversion to commitments be it to a relationship or anything else. INFJs are serious about their relationships and they dislike flaky fickle people who pose a flight risk. But if they see potential in their ENTP mate they will likely be patient and wait for them to come around while doing everything in their power to ensure their devotion such as thoughtful gestures and favors. INFJs enjoy the enthusiasm and energy they get from ENTPs and the lack of judgmental-ness they display.
Relationship Problems – Like all relationships, problems are bound to arise that threaten the love and bliss. ENTP’s with their flirtatious nature and ability to interact with all kinds of people may run the risk of triggering jealousy in their INFJ partners. ENTPs can wax hot and cold much like the INFJ does but for slightly different reasons. They may alternate between periods of engagement and intimacy and periods of emotional distance and inaccessibility. INFJs may have an issue with ENTP’s being messy and disorderly but the ENTP will disapprove of anyone interfering with their mess.
The ENTJ is likely to take the lead in this relationship with the INFJ playing a more supportive role. INFJs may admire the ENTJ’s ability to take charge and take decisive action. ENTJs appreciate that INFJs are affectionate and feeling yet logical and clear thinking. ENTJs however will place less emphasis on the emotional factors that INFJs value as a part of their decision making process. As a result, the ENTJ may be unwilling to listen to and follow much of the advice INFJs give to them at least not to the extent that INFJs would like.
INFJs will likely take pleasure in being helpful and supportive of the ENTJ’s endeavors and pursuits. It is likely that the ENTJ’s outgoing personality may become draining for the INFJ and the ENTJ may have difficulty understanding and accommodating their partner’s emotional and introverted needs. The INFJ will need to retreat periodically and spend time by themselves to replenish their energy and this may sometimes be viewed as selfishness by their partner. The INFJ may begin to feel guilt for being a drag or a burden to the ENTJ, as though they are holding them back somehow or not being exciting enough for them.
Relationship Problems – ENTJs may be critical of the efficiency with which INFJs operate. The ENTJ may often try change around and improve things in their lives but when they attempt to tamper with the INFJ’s personal processes, it will likely not go over well. INFJs have difficulty taking criticism and this may pose an issue since ENTJs do not have many reservations about dispensing it. INFJs may have a tendency to take things too personally leading to a build up of resentments and hurt that the ENTJ may not even be aware of.
INFJ and INFP Relationship
A relationship between INFJ and INFP is likely to provide deep emotional fulfillment and harmony. Both types will share a natural sensitivity for one another that will prevent a lot of offenses from occurring both intended or unintended. Their shared use of intuition allows them to pick up on one another’s non-verbal cues fostering an understanding of each other that is almost psychic. When the INFJ or INFP is upset, the other knows what to say to assuage the situation and make it all better. According to a survey posted at Thought Catalog, ‘Quality Time’ was the most popular love language among both INFPs and INFJs. This suggests that these two are low maintenance lovers who need little more than to simply be together, share experiences and build beautiful memories.
These idealistic personalities will likely enjoy discussing and sharing their deepest feelings, dreams, hopes and visions about the world and what inspires them. They both respect and protect each other’s space but they lovingly welcome their companion into their private introverted bubbles. The INFJ will likely admire the INFP and their artistic and creative soulfulness. INFJs can provide the perfect support and encouragement that give the INFP the push they need to get off the fence and put themselves out there.
Relationship Problems – Complications that might arise in the relationship could stem from perceiver/judger conflicts. The INFP may find the INFJ to be too quick to judgement and fault-finding. The INFJ may sometimes feel upstaged by the INFP’s ability to entertain a multiplicity of possibilities and potentials as opposed to the more singularly focused perspective of the INFJ. The INFP can sometimes be stubborn about doing what they want to and the INFJ can feel slighted when the INFP ignores their advisement and counsel.
INFJs pair well with other idealists and so an INFJ with another INFJ seems just about perfect. However, due to the statistical rarity of INFJ in the population, they may have to go out of their way just locate each other. This couple may enjoy a loving cocoon of introverted bliss. Because of all their shared cognitive preferences they are likely to enjoy doing almost all the things they love to do together. There will be clear communication and mutual understanding between them which is something INFJs truly appreciate. In each other they will find a companion who provides an excellent sounding board for abstract thoughts and ideas.
This deeply empathetic couple will be very supportive and understanding of one another’s emotional ups and downs. They are attentive each other’s needs and they want to help wherever they can. They are likely to work together as a solid team and will have little trouble in managing finances, paying bills and keeping abreast with their responsibilities and respective roles.
Relationship Problems – This couple may experience turbulence if their passionate ideals and beliefs happen to be in opposition to one another. Even though INFJs are generally diplomatic, on matters for which they are truly impassioned about, they will duke it out and go to the mat in their defense. This may present a point of contention for which there is no reconciliation unless they can agree to disagree. This is because INFJs have the capacity for martyrdom and their most important values are something they are not likely to compromise.
INFJs and ENFPs are likely to be strongly attracted to one another. They share the same judging and perceiving functions but of opposite attitudes. In this sense they are mirror images and may balance out one another’s strengths and weaknesses. ENFPs are fun and full of energy but they crave emotional connection, something that INFJs are able to provide in their quietly impassioned way. These two will likely enjoy many stimulating conversations playing off one another’s intuitive thoughts and ideas. They are interested in people and relationships and humanity in general. INFJ may be slow to ENFP’s advances at first so a little patience may be needed. Even though INFJs are introverted, their extraverted feeling allows them to keep up with the ENFP’s active social life.
This pairing has good prospects supported by a solid groundwork of communication and natural understanding. INFJs may admire the way ENFPs are able to verbalize a lot of what they are thinking but never articulate. Their thinking tends to go in a similar direction but the INFJ is more shy about expressing it. INFJs struggle with being misunderstood and they appreciate ENFP’s almost psychic ability to grasp and empathize with where the INFJ is coming from.
Relationship Problems – ENFPs are naturally flirty and thirsty for interaction with all sorts of hominids. If they don’t get enough affection or attention from their companion, they may get it from other people and INFJ won’t like that. INFJ types can be paranoid as it is and arousing their jealousy is bad news for their relationships.
There is likely to be a lot of potential chemistry between the INFJ and ENFJ couple. The contrasting energies of their extravert/introvert dynamic may make the INFJ and ENFJ more interesting to one another. The ENFJ enjoys the attentive listener they find in the INFJ partner and the INFJ will appreciate the social assertiveness that the ENFJ displays. Both parties will share an interest in people and an empathetic ability to read into their thoughts and feelings. They are sensitive and socially aware and much of their values are likely to be in alignment with one another.
The ENFJ’s fun and flamboyant personality is a nice juxtaposition with the INFJ’s more subdued and restrained manner. They exhibit different temperaments but beneath that they are very much kindred spirits. They may have to work through some issues since they are both inclined to think they know what is best. When they butt heads, they can sometimes say some hurtful things and they know how to really cut each other since they share many of the same insecurities and sensitivities. The INFJ may find the ENFJ to sometimes be a bit too controlling and prone to taking a manipulative and dictative role in the relationship.
Relationship Problems – Both the INFJ and ENFJ are harmony seeking and will be likely able to resolve and work out conflicts that may arise between them. However their extraverted/introverted energies may at times pull them in opposite directions. The ENFJ may desire more social interaction as a couple with other friends and couples than the INFJ is willing to accommodate. The INFJ may be content much of the time to just be with their ENFJ mate exclusively without dealing with other people.
An INFJ relationship with ISTJ is in theory a troublesome match due to the sensing/intuition dichotomy. The ISTJ is busy memorizing pre-established facts and following pre-established procedures that are proven to work while the INFJ is busy questioning the meaning of it all in the grander scheme of things. They will have difficulty relating due to the INFJ’s focus on abstract things of personal and social significance while the ISTJ focuses on the tangible, practical and impersonal. ISTJ can be excellent in helping the INFJ with money management and optimizing their lives for efficiency and stability. ISTJs can provide a lot of what INFJs lack but they may not provide enough emotional depth and understanding that the INFJ desires.
Both types are considered to be good listeners and they share a joint preference for quiet environments and moderate human interaction. INFJs and ISTJs are happy to just chill together and spend “quality time” which by the way was the most popular love language chosen by both types in a Thought Catalog poll. As a team these two can join forces with the ISTJ implementing the INFJ’s ideations in a practical manner. ISTJs are better at taking action and the INFJ can provide the vision and mission for the ISTJ to work towards.
Relationship Problems – The conservative ISTJ is not likely to see eye to eye with the idealistic views of INFJs on many issues. Both parties have very strongly held beliefs and they are likely to be steadfast and stick to their guns when their convictions are challenged. ISTJs can be very anal and the INFJ may find their stoic and unaffectionate manner to be difficult and unsatisfying in their relationship.
In a relationship, the INFJ and ISFJ may get along but they will likely hold very different outlooks and perspectives. INFJs are conceptual and they like to discuss conceptual things that are often of global significance whereas the ISFJ prefers non-theoretical, and mondial matters that affect their lives directly. These two may bore each other to death and when they attempt to speak the other’s language it is typically clumsy and forced. They both enjoy privacy and solitude balanced with a healthy amount of social interaction. The ISFJ is very loving and helpful to the INFJ but the lack of intellectual accord will probably create a rift in the relationship.
These to two types are both diligent and hard-working with perfectionistic tendencies. ISFJs prefer to stay within their comfort zones of their established routines and regimens. The INFJ person feels the need to progress and move towards the attainment of some goal or ideal. They are not content with settling down into a quaint but meaningless existence. ISFJs lack self confidence in their ability to take on new unfamiliar challenges but the INFJ could possibly help them grow in this respect. They may also help the ISFJ to expand their mind to understand and appreciate the importance of the larger picture beyond what they are accustomed to considering.
Relationship Problems – ISFJs can be prone moodiness and are very emotionally reactive to perceived slights and that are often exacerbated by stress. INFJs tend not to react emotionally immediately but may grow increasingly agitated to the point they explode in anger.
According to Thought Catalog’s poll, ESFJs and INFJs both tend to prefer “quality time’ and “words of affirmation’ as their love language of choice. This suggests that this relationship may have some potential despite the sensate/intuition differences. But despite their sociable nature, INFJs are rather private and solemn in temperament something which the ESFJ may have trouble understanding. INFJs tend to have higher developed principles and values that can only be born out of personal analysis and deep reflection. ESFJs lack this and acquire most of their values from society which they try to align much of themselves with. ESFJs are not great at abstract thinking and so the communication style and points of interest between the INFJ and ESFJ are likely to be out of sync.
ESFJs are people pleasers and so are INFJs but to a lesser extent. INFJs are able to withdraw and to take time for themselves but ESFJs seem to have an endless reserve of obsequious energy. INFJs may find that the ESFJ doesn’t have the amount of emotional depth that they’d like. ESFJs operate their relationships like a duty but a duty fulfilled with enthusiasm and verve. But it can sometimes seem like they are more interested in the act of what they are doing than who they are doing it for or why they are doing it. INFJs want more than just the acts of service but to also know the passionate feeling behind it, but ESFJ’s motivations are generally much simpler than that.
Relationship Problems – Both the INFJ and ESFJ are very sensitive to criticism but it may the INFJ who dispenses most of the judging. ESFJs tend to take things personally and the INFJ may have to communicate their observations about their partner in a manner that doesn’t make them feel persecuted. Also ESFJs can be controlling and may infringe on the INFJ’s sense of independence and autonomy.
According to socionic type theory, the INFJ and ESTJ are duals of one another and work together in a harmonious and beneficial union. In theory, the ESTJ and INFJ complete each other and compensate for one another’s weaknesses rather than criticize. They do this willingly and without expecting anything in return. They do what they do best and can be themselves and be loved for who they are.
ESTJs are very direct and blunt with their words and their communication style may run roughshod over the INFJ’s sensitivities. INFJs may appreciate the ESTJ’s ability to take charge and be decisive so long as they don’t turn into a controlling despot in the relationship. ESTJ is generally honest and they can be a valuable asset to the INFJ in helping them take action on their passion projects and heartfelt ambitions. ESTJs are often very knowledgeable and provide a grounding influence and sense of security for the INFJ.
Relationship Problems – As stated above, the INFJ may get their feelings hurt by the tactlessness of their ESTJ companion but in general, the ESTJ does not mean to offend. The INFJ may feel they have to defend or justify themselves against the ESTJ who is inclined to cast judgment and point out what they observe with ruthless insensitivity.
The INFJ and ISFP may get along to some extent but unless there are some other attributes beyond type there is likely not a whole lot of compatibility here. INFJs are interested in abstraction and understanding the meaning behind relationships, and people both real and fictional. The ISFP is more interested in their own personal journey experience and place in the world. The ISFP is creative and sensually aware in the here-and-now. They want to have adventures and express themselves authentically. INFJs are not focused of sensory stimulation and they may find keeping up with ISFPs activity exhausting.
Both the INFJ and ISFP are introverted and shy but they are on different wavelengths. They have a different focus and value system. ISFP people don’t want to be restricted or hemmed in by the INFJ’s group based values and want to put their independence and individuality above all or most concerns. ISFPs are hard to pin down and they may not be as open with their feelings as the INFJ would like. INFJ’s attempts to capture them and gain the ISFP’s exclusive devotion will be a challenge.
Relationship Problems – The ISFP may find the INFJ to be self-righteous and judgemental. These two will likely get into arguments where both parties get their feelings hurt. The ISFP may take offense when the INFJ expresses something ‘wrong’ they’ve noticed about them. The ISFP is probably not as inclined to be open to the unsolicited advice INFJ may want to offer them.
INFJs may find difficulty relating with the ESFP on a deep level. ESFPs are not into discussions about abstract ideas and concepts or theories. The ESFP wants to talk about fun stuff and high-brow topics are not what they consider “fun” or interesting. This relationship may be exciting and lively at times but the lack of authentic connection in the relationship may become a strain especially for the INFJ. ESFPs want to live in the moment and INFJs want to plan for the future and their different instincts will likely be a source of divisiveness. Each party may have to seek this fulfillment elsewhere through friends and associates.
ESFPs love to gossip and this is not something an INFJ is inclined to enjoy. ESFPs can be a blast to be around however and INFJs may find that they can bring out a competitive side of them they don’t normally show. INFJs may appreciate how genuine their ESFP companion is and spontaneous as well. While they may see differently on many issues there may still be a lot of positive things they can learn from one another.
Relationship Problems – INFJs may be inclined to try and change their ESFP partner to get them to conform with their ideals but this will not likely be successful. INFJs may take issue with the lack of depth and flaring temper exhibited by the ESFP. The ESFP may not understand or respect the INFJ’s need for privacy and might sometimes intrude on their space unthinkingly.
INFJ may at first be intrigued by the mysterious ISTP and attempt to crack their impassive shell. INFJs want emotional feedback and responsiveness from a partner and they may unfortunately be hard-pressed to receive sufficient amounts of it from an ISTP. ISTPs are more interested in the physical experience of their relationships and can be very engaging in this respect. But when it comes to matters of divulging what they’re feeling well… good luck with that! ISTP people have difficulty articulating what they feel and oftentimes come across as disinterested and cavalier in attitude. They are usually very talented and creative and skilled in hands-on work and this likely is attractive to the INFJ.
The INFJ and ISTP relationship is bound to be fraught with difficulty and ups and downs. While the INFJ appreciates the ISTP’s calm presence, the ISTP may wax hot and cold and baffle the INFJ as to why. The ISTP sometimes pushes their loved ones away and pretend they don’t care as much as they do. They have issues processing the complexity of their feelings when things get a little too close.
Relationship Problems – ISTPs may find INFJs too clingy and the INFJ will likely view the ISTP as emotionally unavailable and uncaring. It’s likely that communication will the main obstacle in this relationship. Understanding each other’s needs, values and expectations will be important in determining if this partnership can last.
This relationship carries some really contrasting energies which can make or break it. ESTPs are gregarious and they thrive on action. They solve problems immediately with little planning or forethought beforehand. The INFJ is no slouch but they are apt to be critical of the ESTP’s improvisational hair-trigger instincts. The INFJ may perceive the ESTP as overconfident and arrogant. Furthermore, they may find the ESTP to be emotionally shallow and might feel a lack of deep connection with them.
ESTPs willingly and openly share their thoughts and opinions but INFJs will have difficulty getting at the heart of what they feel. ESTPs are thick skinned and their comfort with conflict may chafe the INFJ’s sensitivities and insecurities. Being with the ESTP can be fun and never dull for the INFJ. They are spontaneous and keeping up with their activity can be a trip. The INFJ can benefit from the ESTP’s ability to catalyze action and getting the ball rolling on things that need to be done. The ESTP may respect and appreciate the INFJ’s intellect and knowledge and together they can make a formidable team that combines force and compassion.
Relationship Problems – INFJs may be easily hurt or offended by ESTP’s blunt words. The ESTP may not realize the effect of their tendencies on the INFJ and may need to curb some of their dynamism because it is a menace to INFJ’s harmony-seeking natures.
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